Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Randomize
