drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize
