everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
