The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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