Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
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