Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
My butt remains clenched, sir.
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