Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
Randomize
