WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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