what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
