i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
Randomize
