3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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