dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize
