We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
Randomize
