I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
