How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Randomize
