You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
Randomize
