Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
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