im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
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