don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
Randomize
