are you so shy because you have an std?
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
