oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
Randomize
