i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
you inspire me to be a worse person
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
Randomize
