She announced her abortion via fbk
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
