I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
My butt remains clenched, sir.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
Randomize
