does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
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