I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Randomize
