I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
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