found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
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