I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
I intend to get homeless drunk
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
they're like a gay fantastic four
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
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