did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
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