So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
Randomize
