someone threw a dead crab at me
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
Randomize
