You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Randomize
