A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
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