Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
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