That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
