She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
I'm sobbing to NWA
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize
