If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
