I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
There are leaves in my underwear?
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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