I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Randomize
