You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
I supernannyed him into submission
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
Randomize
