so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
Randomize
