i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
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