We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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