alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
Randomize
