Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
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