i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
Randomize
