listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize
