You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
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