i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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