I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
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