I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Randomize
