I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
Randomize
