Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
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