Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
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